Someone’s lonely. When you need a hawk to be your jump buddy while you’re parachuting, you know it may be time to start finding young pictures of you to put on your eHarmony profile. If you don’t already know, parahawking is an activity that involves paragliding with a hawk that is flying by your side ready to land on your arm at a moment’s call. By the way, “a hawk” does not imply you can use just any hawk. Be careful when attempting this hobby recreationally because a hawk does not give a damn if you’re just trying to have fun, you mess up or get in its way it will not hesitate to feast on you.

Parahawking for hawk owners is the equivalent of a dog owner taking his pet for a walk around the block. Except in this case there’s no poop to pick up, no humiliation and no audacious strangers asking you what race your dog is and then casually leading into an hour-long discussion about dog shampoos. A dog is a dog! Geez sometimes I wish I could just whistle for my hawk to come attack people.