2012 Olympic Game Torches Fly First Class

Like the ignorant child I am, I’ve always remained under the impression that the Olympic Torches were actual torches. You know, the kind on a chunk of wood with an open flame. Of course thinking back, that would be pretty illogical. This “torch” (in reality more of a lantern) made its route from Athens to the U.K. on Friday flying first class along with dignitaries and British celebrities like David Beckham. The flame was carried in two specially-made metal cradles and held to the seat with a seat belt and Velcro strap. That’s right, the comfort and security of a small fire gets higher priority than us average Joes stuffed together in economy.

So what if they’re the symbol of the entire world’s hopes and dreams? Anyways, who did they choose to fly the appropriately-named “Firefly” plane? Veteran pilot Captain David Thomas, who’s had experience flying the Queen on two royal tours and was even put through a test run carrying an unlit lamp. TV cameras will be filming the entire flight in case any misfortunes were to occur…like the plane being set on fire. But the Olympic committee thought of everything and boarded a Metropolitan Police officer trained in firefighting to watch the torches for every grueling second of its 1,500 mile journey.